It’s the funniest possible sequence of events, and no one wouldve seen it coming
What does that even look like for the culture of the US lol
KHive dems have got him spooked and he’s scared of being labelled a “weird fat loser” so he takes his ball and goes home
we all talk about “funniest outcome” constantly, but none of you managed to lathe “big wet boy scared of xanned-out copmala due to her posting power” into existence, did you?
We’ve been running a toy lathe this whole time
yeah honestly the ‘he needs to be president to avoid prosecution/bankruptcy’ just rings hollow at this point
I actually think that a lot of the charges would just be quietly dropped if he quit the race and agreed never to run for office again.
“By the way, nice trucks. You think I could hop into one of them and drive it away? I’d love to do it. Just drive the hell outta here. Just get the hell out of this. I had such a good life. My life was great.”
Donald Trump
Tracy ChapmanObviously despite being really funny he’s a grotesque piece of shit, but there is some genuine pathos there lmao
He’s the dog that caught the car and then got locked in the car for the rest of his life driving around to rallies in Jughoot County Oklahoma and Budweiser Falls Missouri having to pander to hogs about how big their trucks are and how beautiful their boats are. If he lived like 2800 years ago in Greece, Homer would have written a tragedy about him
I remember he once said his favorite song was “Is That All There Is?” by Peggy Lee, and it feels really fitting
Donald wept, for there were no more McNuggies left to dip
It looks like a big old sigh of relief followed by unlimited brunch in the first world
brunchlimited genocide on the first world
: “It’s not the same without Joe there.”It’s always the funniest outcome somehow. At the beginning of the year, them both dying seemed infinitely more likely to me than both dropping out. Trump probably would love to if not for the brand and ego. Would need a hell of an excuse to drop out, while sustaining less damage to either than losing to Kamala.
Would be funnier if he just did a big sulky pout and went “You know what? Fuck you” before storming off stage and flying away in his helicopter
and crashing into the side of a mountain while the cameras are still on
Oh shit he has a campaign stop in northern Iran next week
Never get in a helicopter
What does that even look like for the culture of the US
the world has not yet witnessed brunches like the ones that are about to be had
If there ever was a time for it this would be it. Catch me out there mimosa in hand
Trump’s life flashed before his eyes and he decided to live out his true dream of becoming a….
Someone help me out here.
He really just wants to be a famous talkshow host. I’m pretty sure that’s all he’s ever wanted. He wants the biggest show on TV, a platform to ramble about politics and Phantom of the Opera, and a place where he can make famous people show up and listen to him do those things while they tell him what an honor it is.
pro wrestler?
He’s definitely more of a manager. Maybe he could look after ted dibiase. Is he still going?
Old DiBiase came back for a little while a couple of years back for a funny storyline, young DiBiase Jr got fired like a decade ago and also apparently went to jail for charity / welfare fraud or some shit
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full-time grifter (I mean without the president stuff)
Talkshow host!
Trump becomes a shell of a man from the shooting and refuses to show up to anymore events before dropping out
deleted by creator
Me: I’ve spoken with the crew, we’ve voted, and we’ve all agreed that we’d like to eat something on this vessel other than these penis shaped potatoes.
Captain: No, this is a dictatorship.
Imagining the pure chaos as his followers panic. A wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Deep Q sects would decide that the real Donald died after the assassination attempt, either from his wounds or he got got at the hospital, and that he was replaced with a deep state plant through plastic surgery. Even deeper Q sects would decide that he survived getting got and had plastic surgery to look like random dude who keeps showing up at Q meetups to fuck lonely boomer women.
Don Jr and Eric both find another corpulent white dude to pretend is their dad to keep the grift going. Barron becomes known as The Fatherless and forges his own path.
I would be surprised if Barron isn’t already a messianic Q figure.
Off the top of my head, there was a sub-sect that thought he was Steve Bannon as a time traveler(?) advising Donald Trump how to do the Great Awakening right, and one where Barron was secretly the greatest chess player in the world and had been made the youngest grandmaster ever secretly for some reason
Qanon has some really creative lore. Like JFK Jr faking his own death and having plastic surgery to avoid being assassinated like his dad, only to come back and help Trump defeat the deep state.
It’s genuinely really fascinating sociologically sometimes. I’m pretty sure the JFK Jr shit wasn’t ever actually in any Q drops, but a community of lead addled boomers giving themselves psychosis through unrestricted internet illiteracy basically played the telephone game long enough to construct their own orthodoxy where JFK’s failson that ran George magazine and died in a plane crash becomes a messianic figure that’s gonna reveal himself to President Hamburgler and usher in a new golden age with magic sci-fi med beds or whatever.
I can’t remember if it was an episode of Death is Just Around the Corner or a stream they did together, but Michael S Judge talked with
at some point about Q-Anon as the latest iteration in a historical cycle of American religious revivalist movements and esoteric mysticism and conspiratorial political fringes, and they got into the symbolism that Q followers have unconsciously tapped into and similar historical parallels that was really fascinating, I’ll see if I can find itThe first being when they gathered in western New York for the end of the world and then it didn’t happen and then they splintered into Mormonism and all those other sects, right? What would the others be, the 1960s orientalist takes on Hare Krishna and Buddhism?
Steve Bannon, time traveler, is an awesome twist I did not see coming.
I so badly want a serial drama based on this lore that plays it totally straight.
the large adult son that was foretold
Speaking anecdotally, the more “normie” Trump voters out there I know all seem a bit bored and demoralized. Trumps schtick doesn’t feel fresh anymore, that’s part of the reason the “weird” thing is working so well. While they’d never admit it, most of the solidly middle and upper middle class ones have been doing pretty good under the Dems, their Roth IRAs have been doing bank. Biden wasn’t the Judeo-Marxist dystopia they all imagined and pretending it is has gotten more and more exhausting for them.
I think a lot of them are quietly hoping he loses so they can slowly de-radicalize themselves, go back to whatever the conservative version of brunch is an be able to deny ever being a Trump fan at the next thanksgiving.
This would make it the second most successful political assassination attempt of recent times. And it would spark the left into a very serious debate about whether the situation with assassinations has changed.
people should set off fireworks near his rallies.
I want to have a Steven Colbert emoji to scream ‘MOOOOCH’ right now
no one wouldve seen it coming
Now that’s a man who knows a little something about quitting.
