I tried typing this into Google, but it returned 20 pages of “My wife gained weight and I don’t love her. How can I convince her to start an eating disorder?” FFS the West.
Comrades, I wish to fuck that my gf gaining a few kilos was even in my top ten list of problems right now. I tell her that’s she’s fine. We’re getting older, and we both put on a few kilos. I try to be supportive, and just let her feel comfortable with the new reality. It’s like a major stressor for her. I guess some of her workmates and relatives have made comments. I tell her to tell those people to tell me. What kind of person comments on another person’s appearance?
Just a final rant. Both me and me gf work sorta stressful office jobs, and we both end up doing a lot of overtime. Stress, anxiety, and a lack of time contribute to a less than ideal health situation. I know IRL a few venture capitalist types that spend hours in the gym everyday, but they’re the worst humans imaginable. My gf comes from a working class background, and she’s one of the kindest people I know. I don’t mean to shame anyone that loves the gym, but spending adequate time on fitness isn’t super easy in late stage capitalism.
Anyhow, if any of you comment on anyone’s weight ever, I will literally claw your face.
If someone is stressed about gaining weight, suddenly introducing the suggestion of going for a walk everyday will severely “hurt in that department”. OP is trying to avoid callous comments rather than add to them.
I don’t think so. If your partner is expressing these things and you say, “Well, I’m not bothered by your weight at all but if you want maybe we can start a daily walk in the afternoon maybe that would help and might just be nice,” then it’s not a big deal. I didn’t think I’d need to tell people explicitly how to be affectionate and thoughtful to their partner. Kind of assumed that was a gimme.
Or, you know, you could just come home and yell, “HEY FATSO WANNA WALK THE THUNDER THIGHS OFF TONIGHT?” I’m not going to tell you how to live your life.
Have you ever been/been with an insecure person? Rational or not, switching your message from “you’re fine the way you are” to “let’s try going for walks” is liable to cause their insecurities to go into overdrive thinking you secretly do mind, and do think they need to lose weight, and I’m not sure any amount of prefacing and reassurances can negate that effect if she.
If she were able and willing to make time to exercise, then absolutely, be supportive, but suggesting it outright might be something to be careful about or avoid depending on the person. I think that’s the key, we don’t know this person as well as OP does, maybe she’d be receptive to that, or maybe they absolutely don’t have time, or that suggestion would worsen her stress.
Maybe that’s true. People can be insecure about certain aspects of their life, body, career, or whatever and not be insecure and unstable overall. I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions about the person’s partner.
If suggesting going for a short walk in the evening is too callous of a comment then there isn’t really anything to say.
The whole message from OP is that she should not feel shame for it, not that OP wants to help her lose weight. Flipping from “no you’re absolutely fine the way you are, this is mostly outside our control” to “hey lets go for walks” kinda undermines the sincerity of “you are fine the way you are”, when heard through the ears of someone insecure about their weight. OP literally said they are both putting in overtime at high-stress jobs and don’t have time to exercise much. It’s a sensitive subject and should be treated very carefully to avoid making the stress worse.
I’m not saying that they should or shouldn’t pursue exercise, or that their weight is totally unchangeable, but OP didn’t ask for diet/exercise tips, he just ranted about the people causing her stress (the ones making comments primarily, along with a generally misogynist and fatphobic society)