Kids ads are just extra fucking annoying and they should be banned for that.
“You’re a girl. Here’s sparkly princess. (Wooooooow! Her head moves!) Help her get to the the ball at Fuckington Castle. (She’s almost late! The prince will miss her!). Collect all of.her best friends and brushes. (She made it! Wow, stunning entrance! Everyone noticed). 🎶Sparkly Princess of Fuckingtoooon./🎶”
“You’re a boy. My over raspy surfer dude voice from 1992 is all you need to listen to right now. Look at this gun. It’s called Bruisinator. Dominate the battlefield with your friends! (They’re pushing through! They won’t get far! Pew Pew pew pew). Bruisinator lights up with an optical laser and gives tactical commands! (We’re surrounded Bruisinator, what do we do?!..“Nice shot!”… What?) Part of the Havoc collection. Be a man. Batteries sold separately.”
And I’m like… Why am I seeing this? I don’t even have kids and I don’t particularly like them. Who are these grown ups doing the voice overs and how funny do their faces look when they’re trying to be like this? Is it possible to get toys for kids that don’t want a gender role? Why does a seven year old need to toilet train a toy that pees itself? I wonder if any of the kids chucked a massive tantrum on set? These are no different to ads from the 80s, 90, and 00s. They seriously don’t change. I wonder how many children are now crying at their parents and screaming “I hate you!” because their parents won’t get the Sparkly Princess or the Fuckington Castle?
Kids ads are just extra fucking annoying and they should be banned for that.
“You’re a girl. Here’s sparkly princess. (Wooooooow! Her head moves!) Help her get to the the ball at Fuckington Castle. (She’s almost late! The prince will miss her!). Collect all of.her best friends and brushes. (She made it! Wow, stunning entrance! Everyone noticed). 🎶Sparkly Princess of Fuckingtoooon./🎶”
“You’re a boy. My over raspy surfer dude voice from 1992 is all you need to listen to right now. Look at this gun. It’s called Bruisinator. Dominate the battlefield with your friends! (They’re pushing through! They won’t get far! Pew Pew pew pew). Bruisinator lights up with an optical laser and gives tactical commands! (We’re surrounded Bruisinator, what do we do?!..“Nice shot!”… What?) Part of the Havoc collection. Be a man. Batteries sold separately.”
And I’m like… Why am I seeing this? I don’t even have kids and I don’t particularly like them. Who are these grown ups doing the voice overs and how funny do their faces look when they’re trying to be like this? Is it possible to get toys for kids that don’t want a gender role? Why does a seven year old need to toilet train a toy that pees itself? I wonder if any of the kids chucked a massive tantrum on set? These are no different to ads from the 80s, 90, and 00s. They seriously don’t change. I wonder how many children are now crying at their parents and screaming “I hate you!” because their parents won’t get the Sparkly Princess or the Fuckington Castle?
Well I don’t know what that says about me but please sign me up for a Bruisinator or three for Christmas.