Isn’t the entire point of the profile and matching system to filter incompatible people out? Why can I match with 50 people and not a single one wants to get a coffee or something after exchanging a few pleasantries? Everybody hates these things and yet they refuse to do anything IRL to get off them. Is there some Manchurian candidate activation codeword that I’m missing? I feel like everyone treats this shit solely as an ego booster and actually gets pissed off that anyone tries to interact with them. How do you meet people in hellworld if you don’t drink?

Me after dozens of dead-end back-and-forths that lead to nowhere despite having shared interests and presumably being attracted to each other since we matched: marx-joker

Hmm, maybe it’s the extreme commodification of relationships and atomization under capitalism that prevents you from getting anywhere with this garbage thinkin-lenin

Nope, must be because @[email protected] didn’t say my favorite “The Office” quote and send me a playlist with 50 of the greatest songs I’ve never heard that made me instantly fall in love with them. I have no idea what other people expect from these things but I’m not doing labor for someone that I don’t even know is real. Thanks for reading my rant, any advice is appreciated.

  • usernamesaredifficul [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    1 year ago

    If I could redefine the way social alienation works don’t you think I already would have

    if you want to have a social support system you need a thing you do that gives you the opportunity to meet people it could be cricket, religion, slam poetry etc

    • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      1 year ago

      Sure, sure.

      But telling someone that is having a hard time doing (the thing) to just (do the thing) isn’t really a start and is hardly workable encouragement to get there.

      Most hobbies have an up-front cost, too, and a lot of people don’t have much disposable income, if any at all. At the least you could narrow it down with those material conditions in mind and give them something to work with other than “just (do the thing).”

      • usernamesaredifficul [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        I agree it isn’t easy but it is simple. Social interaction becomes less daunting with practice so the only cure I know for being too nervous to put yourself out there is to do it anyway. It’s like how regular exercise can help with depression but depressed people find it really hard to do regular exercise

        they know their own budget, local area, and schedule better than I do

        • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
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          1 year ago

          I agree it isn’t easy but it is simple.

          but it is simple.

          Yeah, “git gud” platitudes are simple, simple enough that someone already discouraged likely heard it many times over already.

          they know their own budget, local area, and schedule better than I do

          Yes, which is why saying “git gud” in whatever form probably is redundant.

          • usernamesaredifficul [he/him]@hexbear.net
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            1 year ago

            it’s not saying get good I understand that it is very difficult to do these things but also they are the only solution to the problem

            what do you want me to say “yes there’s literally nothing you can do woe is you”. A friendgroup isn’t going to turn up one day fully formed and I don’t think it’s very kind to pretend that there is nothing you can do about it. This is a solvable problem

            also the person I originally replied to just said they weren’t passionate about doing anything and I don’t see how telling them to try something they aren’t passionate about right away is an insurmountable ask

            • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
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              1 year ago

              but also they are the only solution to the problem

              “The solution to doing the thing is to do the thing” is not useful advice if motivation is the issue.

              There really are better approaches that often require more personal consultation. Those are definitely more useful, if harder to come by.

              and I don’t see how telling them to try something they aren’t passionate about right away is an insurmountable ask

              Of course you don’t. Because you got yours.