I remember December 2001.
“If that red fat motherfucker deviates one inch from the filed flight plan…”
For real though, the NORAD Santa tracker actually did start with a wrong number.
Specifically, a wrong number in an ad by Sears.
They set up a Santa hotline where you could call and talk to a bunch of people being paid to pretend to be Santa. Only they printed the number wrong in the ad, and the number they printed, by some sheer cosmic insanity, was the number of the red phone on the desk of the head of NORAD. A phone that only the president and a handful of five star generals were authorized to call.
So this dude gets a call, and there’s this kid on the line asking to talk to Santa. He starts interrogating thy kid, the kid naturally starts crying… So the fucking head of NORAD starts going “Ho ho ho, merry Christmas little boy. Have you been good this year?” and all that. Eventually gets the story from the kids mother.
So he gets a bunch of junior NCOs to man the phones, because their lines are absolutely slammed now. Tells them all to fucking pretend to be Santa. This dude has a rep for being super straight laced, and everyone thinks he’s lost it. Whole base is in uproar. At some point some joker makes a little paper cutout of a sleigh and sticks it to the tracker display. Commander comes in, demands to know what it is. The person responsible apologizes, but instead of chewing him out the commander picks up the phone and dials a local radio station. Tells them it’s the head of NORAD, and they’re tracking an unidentified flying object that looks a lot like a sleigh. And a new tradition is born.
The best part? According to his children, after he retired this guy carried around a locked attache case with him everywhere he went. It was full of all the letters he got from kids and parents thanking him. He never went anywhere without them.
http://www.npr.org/2014/12/19/371647099/norads-santa-tracker-began-with-a-typo-and-a-good-sport
His attitude is understandable. His job description included always being ready to be the herald of the apocalypse, something silly and innocent like kids writing to Santa is a great anchor to keep someone in that situation grounded and sane.
Would make a cute Christmas advert
Tracking him, to fire a SAM at him, no doubt.
The War on Christmas has only just begun.
Can’t risk Santa air dropping elves to kick start the invasion.
From defense.gov:
NORAD also tracks Santa using U.S. Air Force F-15, F-16, F-22 and Canadian Air Force CF-18 fighter jets. On Christmas Eve, fighter pilots rendezvous with Santa off the coast of Newfoundland to welcome him to North America. They escort him safely through North American airspace until he returns to the North Pole.
Why is no one hollering about this obvious waste of taxpayer dollars? It’s not like they can keep up with him, anyway; Santa is superluminal!
Fwiw, the people who track Santa volunteer. Not only that, there are corporate sponsors that help fund the fuel and other costs.
Source: I did NORAD duty one year.
Jokes aside, that sounds like tons of fun.
It is. I’m sure it’s changed since it’s gone all Google/AI. I volunteered before all that. It was basically a PowerPoint presentation that was projected onto screens in a large conference room.
It’s a bit sweet seeing people in military uniforms talking to kids about Santa and where he is. Some of the people would chat with the kids, asking them what they wanted for Christmas.
It’s especially fun when other government agencies get in on it. I believe during one of Obama’s years, he held a press conference and he was asked about something to do with drones and how Santa would be protected or something like that. And he talked about how F-18s would rendezvous with Santa at the Canada-US border and escort him safely.
I’m too lazy to look it up but it got a lot of chuckles. Even the FAA got involved and issued press releases about how Santa was cleared to use the military air corridors to ensure speedy delivery.
The pilots need the training hours anyway.
Bingo. They’re gonna be doing the flights anyway, might as well get some public goodwill out of it.
While Santa is superluminal, the military industrial complex is subliminal.
