The rise of “inceldom” as a social phenomena was inevitable with the destruction of non-transactional social spaces and general alienation brought about by capitalism.
It’s tempting to think that these people are struggling exactly because they’re horrible misogynists, but historically tons of misogynistic people have still had sex and relationships. Bluntly, even the Golden State Killer was married at one point, and had children.
Life is materially and socially worse for a lot of people. I’ve made this same post basically every time this comes up, but where are the places where people can just hang out publicly, without being harassed by the cops or expected to spend money they might not afford to spend, just to socialize? If you cannot meaningfully socialize, you have little hope of getting a relationship or even just sex.
For many USians at least (can’t speak for other countries) dating starts to suck waaaay more ass once you’re out of school. The post-school options people are generally aware of are: Dating apps (which suck ass and seem to be a potent vector for extreme mental illness), bars and clubs (which cost money and suck if you don’t drink or you have anxiety about being compromised around strangers), and that’s basically it.
Lack of social spaces necessarily produces lack of sex and relationships. It will get worse before it gets better.
but gaming and other online locations like chats is also a social space and these very guys go to great effort to ensure it is not even tolerable much less welcoming to women.
It’s objectively an inferior form of socialization compared to real life (brain releases different chemicals in the two scenarios). It’s not a full substitute
The rise of “inceldom” as a social phenomena was inevitable with the destruction of non-transactional social spaces and general alienation brought about by capitalism.
This is a great point and I agree, but I think it’s also worth discussing that a big contributing problem to this with cishet dating culture is how that transactional mindset persists outside of transactional spaces and then will go completely unexamined even in spaces like this one. Cishet men seem much more driven to attach their sense of happiness and self worth to sex and dating, which leads to scenarios where women end up being viewed as simply a means to achieving a personal goal. Then, when women rightfully reject this and those personal goals go unmet, women get blamed for withholding what cishet men feel they need to become normal, well-functioning happy people.
It’s almost like cishets are encouraged to treat dating like collecting points or winning achievements badges instead of just spending time with others because you enjoy their company. Cishet women also face pressure on this I think, but less related to sex and more related to long term dating, marriage, family, etc. In both cases, and especially with cishet men and sex, this seems very unhealthy and it would be much better to focus on one’s happiness and self worth first instead of relying on some stranger to magically fix you.
The rise of “inceldom” as a social phenomena was inevitable with the destruction of non-transactional social spaces and general alienation brought about by capitalism.
It’s tempting to think that these people are struggling exactly because they’re horrible misogynists, but historically tons of misogynistic people have still had sex and relationships. Bluntly, even the Golden State Killer was married at one point, and had children.
Life is materially and socially worse for a lot of people. I’ve made this same post basically every time this comes up, but where are the places where people can just hang out publicly, without being harassed by the cops or expected to spend money they might not afford to spend, just to socialize? If you cannot meaningfully socialize, you have little hope of getting a relationship or even just sex.
For many USians at least (can’t speak for other countries) dating starts to suck waaaay more ass once you’re out of school. The post-school options people are generally aware of are: Dating apps (which suck ass and seem to be a potent vector for extreme mental illness), bars and clubs (which cost money and suck if you don’t drink or you have anxiety about being compromised around strangers), and that’s basically it.
Lack of social spaces necessarily produces lack of sex and relationships. It will get worse before it gets better.
but gaming and other online locations like chats is also a social space and these very guys go to great effort to ensure it is not even tolerable much less welcoming to women.
It’s objectively an inferior form of socialization compared to real life (brain releases different chemicals in the two scenarios). It’s not a full substitute
I feel this every day
I wonder how long it will be before the “it gets better” stage. Will I be so old that I don’t even have a desire to date or get sex?
This is a great point and I agree, but I think it’s also worth discussing that a big contributing problem to this with cishet dating culture is how that transactional mindset persists outside of transactional spaces and then will go completely unexamined even in spaces like this one. Cishet men seem much more driven to attach their sense of happiness and self worth to sex and dating, which leads to scenarios where women end up being viewed as simply a means to achieving a personal goal. Then, when women rightfully reject this and those personal goals go unmet, women get blamed for withholding what cishet men feel they need to become normal, well-functioning happy people.
It’s almost like cishets are encouraged to treat dating like collecting points or winning achievements badges instead of just spending time with others because you enjoy their company. Cishet women also face pressure on this I think, but less related to sex and more related to long term dating, marriage, family, etc. In both cases, and especially with cishet men and sex, this seems very unhealthy and it would be much better to focus on one’s happiness and self worth first instead of relying on some stranger to magically fix you.