Smurf-ass motherfuckers. You’re not even real cops but you still wear that dumbass badge. Guess this is where all the academy dropouts ended up at. I see you taking your own backpacks straight past the checkpoints you fucking hypocrites. You couldn’t catch a bomb if it landed right on top of you you fucking fucks AAAAAAAAA!!! 
My butter knife could be used to take control of the plane? Holy fuck are you fucking listening to yourself? That’s literally my fucking job! Fuck you! And they give fucking butter knives to the business class passengers on the fucking plane, holy fucking shit!!! 
Don’t tell me I’ve been fucking randomed, I can see the green cleared icon reflected in your glasses you lying sack of shit, fuck you! 
I’ll start with American security first.
In terms of American security, really the only way to be completely exempt from fondling (and any screening at all) is to be a uniformed crew member that has passed a gun training course - you will never be subjected to any screening ever, guaranteed. If you haven’t taken this course you will be subject to the “random” screenings, but you get to use the TSA Pre line which avoids the body scanner thing and you just have to go through the metal detector. You might be patted down but chances are relatively low while in uniform.
As a passenger you can pay about $70 a year to join TSA Pre and go through the same line with just the metal detector and baggage x-ray. However, being a passenger, your chances of a pat-down go up, especially if you’re a minority. But relatively speaking, it is still less likely than if you went through the regular line.
Internationally:
In my experience, uniformed crew members are still far less likely to get a pat-down than regular passengers. However if you ask not to use the body scanner and they allow your request, they will basically always do a pat-down (both crews and passengers). EU claims that the scanner imagines are anonymized and reviewed by someone who can’t see you - I’m not sure I believe this though.
In all cases though, I would suggest playing on the stereotypes the security people learn at their bullshit training. If they identify you as a “deviant” (from what I’m told, a word actually used in TSA training, at least in the past) or think you look too poor, or think you answered their questions with the wrong tone, you’ll get the pat-down. To get the best chance at bypassing this you basically have to have a mainstream hairstyle, dress like a bougie businessperson, and answer questions in a semi-detached disinterested tone. And act like you own the airport - i.e., come off as stereotypically self-assured - because they’re also looking for “nervous body language” (a complete pseudoscience). But again, in my experience, in Europe this would only save you from the scanner + pat-down combo, and not both. At least, I haven’t heard of anyone being able to bypass the whole thing.
God only knows what’s going through the minds of the bigots that staff airport security. It’s absurd that you have to basically do improv to get through almost unscathed.
is avoiding just the 3d scanner feasible? i can think of a few ways to grab the spot pretty hard and it not feel abnormal at least
how hard do they pat in the groin area? do they like cup it lmao
honestly thanks so much for the info on this though, ive been putting off visiting family in europe cause of this, it makes me so nervous. havent been on a plane in a long while now and i appreciate the extreme detailed walkthrough
AFAIK in the EU they are required to let you opt out of the body scanner for a “hand search” instead. Unfortunately it’s not really possible to predict what it will be like or how hard they will be because, in accordance with security theater, it’s basically performance art so it depends on the mood of the person doing it and what they had for lunch. And since basically anybody can become an airport security “””officer”””, well, you get the idea.
But I can say that they will probably be more rough if they feel like you’re too uppity or aren’t “respecting” them enough - i.e., react to their screaming and insults with anything other than “thank you”.
oh i’ll be coming from america, more worried about there honestly.