Xanax was something like 2mg, lexotan 2.5 mg i suppose, and a glass of strong wine… I am feeling really relaxed, like nothing matters and sleepy, but am I really in danger?

It’s hard to walk straight and I kinda am forgetting what I am doing along the way… Yesterday evening I also took another 2mg of xanax and then smoke DMT which did nothing except make me more aware of the mess I was living in.

I don’t think I care if I die but I just don’t want to suffer

Update 1: added another 15 drops of lexotan, it’s kinda getting hard keeping count, it is 2.5mg/ml, how many drops is an ml? Should I really care? How does respiratory arrest feels like? Will I suffer? Or just fall asleep? I suppose benzos will at least ease out the pain.

Update 2: woke up a couple of hors later, taking more lexotan and see if I can lead myself to tomorrow’s

  • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    2 months ago

    I wish you the best of luck. I don’t have much more advice, because it’s all so personal to each individual. If you’re young, sometimes I think it gets easier with age and experience. Therapy, and groups like NA/AA can be really helpful.

    A lot of people think NA/AA are just about putting down the booze and drugs, but there’s a lot more to it than that. You’re taking inventory of yourself, and actively trying to be a better and more whole person. Everyone’s walk is different, but it can put you into contact with people that have had the same struggles, people that have seen the same dark places you’ve seen. There’s hope out there and I hope you can find some of it.

    • dontblink@feddit.itOPEnglish
      2·
      2 months ago

      Thank you so much, the funny thing is that all the year round usually I,'m an healthy freak, hitting the pool 4 times a week, doing yoga and cycling to work everyday, sometimes I run, eat an healthy vegetarian diet…

      But as I said if I derail, I derail really a lot and everything gets completely stripped out of me.

      • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        2 months ago

        I think you can overcome it. It won’t be overnight, but if you give up the drugs and find a community of people living intentionally and trying to improve themselves, you’ll have a lot more tools to live better than you’d have on your own.