So, back when I was “still cis tho”, there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I’m still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we’re talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it’s a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which… I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin’.

  • TheLepidopterists [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    40·
    16 days ago

    Several of them have been in the past.

    I’ve always preferred to wear my hair a little long, when I was in elementary school the other kids called me transphobic slurs several times. To be clear, I am cis, but it still hurt seven year old TheLepidopterists’s feelings.

    The idea that expressing feelings other than anger is inappropriate for boys was also not great for me growing up, but the folks in the bell hooks book club thread have elaborated on that way more eloquently than I could.

    EDIT: just realized this said cis-het which is only half true, but in spite of being attracted to men as, I’ve only ever dated women (I wasn’t even consciously aware of being attracted to men as well until I was years and one kid into a relationship with my wife, who rules and is the only person I’m interested in a relationship with). I do present fairly straight though, I think and socially I’m I think effectively cis-het.

    • Carcharodonna [she/her]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      18·
      16 days ago

      I’ve always preferred to wear my hair a little long, when I was in elementary school the other kids called me transphobic slurs several times. To be clear, I am cis, but it still hurt seven year old TheLepidopterists’s feelings.

      I’m sorry that happened to you sadness

      It’s of course a bit different for me, but I also really hated being made to feel ashamed for anything I might do that could be considered “girly” at all. I even made a funny post about this topic recently. There is a scene in I Saw the TV Glow where the evil dad says something like “Isn’t that a show for girls?” and it cut through me pretty hard having heard it so many times and having that fear/shame ingrained into me. But yeah, policing gender norms is pretty evil, including when it’s done to cis men, and we should all push back against it whenever and wherever it appears.