There’s some guy I talk to who believes the theory that the top 20 percent of dudes get 80% of women, and that because he doesn’t have a brad pitt jaw and isn’t 6’ +, he might as well just hate women because they’ll never like him anyways.
I studied CS so I used to know quite a few. The ones I hung out with though were only incels in the literal sense. They couldn’t get any because they were way too shy to flirt/ask women out, too socially awkward, put almost 0 effort into their looks, etc. but they were very nice people and respected women
I actually know quite a few incels (in the more common sense) now in my workplace/mutual friends (all tech bros, ofc) but I don’t talk to them + they actually all have GFs/wives because they’re rich/their partners are just as offputting as them
i don’t want to self-harm with the apps, and i’m unemployed. haven’t talked to anyone in years, is that voluntary or involuntary?
Volcel
doesn’t really feel like i’m exercising any agency
Self harm with the apps how? You get literally zero matches or some shit?
doing a bunch of work at social bullshit to subject myself to a psychological torture machine I have no control over and get no productive feedback from when ignored or rejected sounds like a really bad time. It’s
exactly th-literally worse than job seeking (which is bad enough to make me cw suicidal) because hiring someone is profitable and matching off users loses customers.
Depending on how you define it, me. I’ve never felt good enough to be in a relationship and I’ve deeply internalized the idea of ‘don’t bother them if they wanted to talk to you they would’
I’ll let you in on something you may or may not be aware of.
Fwiw in the US and other western societies, men are generally expected to make the first move. So don’t sell yourself short. Especially if you’ve caught them checking you out or staring at you.
Go up and say hi, introduce yourself and feel things out.
You won’t know if they want to talk to you if you never try man
Edit:Man is expected not the woman
Go up and say hi, introduce yourself and feel things out.
I am 100% guaranteed to humiliate myself if I do this.
So? What happens then?
back to square 1
Yea, but you’ll never leave square 1 if you don’t go up at all
I also won’t leave square 1 if I tried, so…
Yeah you will, as someone who’s been both a man and a woman, I can tell you that you definitely will. We aren’t some foreign creatures, we’re people just like you. Dial back that anxiety, keep the ability to take a hint, and you’ll do fine. To cringe is to grow!
Here is the secret to picking up women
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Not at all my experience where I’m from the man is very much expected to make the first move. I can count the times a woman came up to me and flirted with me from her own volition on one hand.
Fuck I meant to say man. Wasn’t thinking.
Sorry! Was distracted.
Basically if this guy doesn’t try, he’ll never know is what I’m saying
Oh for sure, I just have always hated doing it personally.
if you’re really a leftist, you’d have to be somewhat compassionate, generous, empathetic, and understanding. That makes you a better partner than a lot of people out there.
Being into politics also shows a level of intrigue in the world that a lot people really just don’t have, and it makes for good conversation and an interesting personality (to those who are also politically inclined).
That matters a lot. When you’re younger, you fuck people because they’re hot. Quite often the personality isn’t quite there. As you get older, you realise that it’s just not worth the boring hours of conversation for sex where theres no chemistry (because youre not truly comfortable with each other). If you’ve got banter and things in common with someone that you’re passionate about, sex and relationships can feel like they’re just destiny. It just happens, and it feels right, because you’re genuinely connected and enjoying someone’s company.
I mean seriously, a sizeable number of guys still expect women to cook them a meal and wash up afterwards every day.
Anyway if you’ve got a stern or disinterested look about you (which you will have, if you’re clocked out), no one will come up to you. Like, I’m an attractive guy, I put a fair bit of effort into how I look, but if I go to a party I don’t want to be at I’ll stand there with a stern face wishing I was somewhere else. No one will really come talk to me. If I’m smiling, dancing, or even just being chatty with people, I’ll get hit on a lot. It makes a world of difference.
That matters a lot. When you’re younger, you fuck people because they’re hot. Quite often the personality isn’t quite there. As you get older, you realise that it’s just not worth the boring hours of conversation for sex where theres no chemistry
I keep hearing from people that “it gets better when you’re older.” But i don’t have the patience to wait 10-20 years for it to “get better” lol. I rather mindlessly fuck hot people than to not do it.
time passes on whether we want it to or not.
I don’t mean 10-20 years. I mean I’m not even 25 and I’m with someone who wants more than to fuck around. There’s plenty of people like that out there. Millions of people get into relationships when they’re not even 20, even if it’s only for a year or two.
If you want to mindlessly fuck hot people, then you must become a mindless hot person.
Being autistic, I feel this so hard.
CW: Ableism
For all of my life, society - including many “left” spaces - has drilled into my head that I am repulsive, I am undesirable, I am an inferior class of human being whose very existence is an imposition on those around me.
It is, to put it lightly, not a recipe for confidence in approaching women.
It seems like how an autistic person is perceived depends on their looks. Attractive and autistic makes people see you as charmingly quirky. Average or unattractive and autistic makes people see you as creepy and undesirable
deleted by creator
This is where I can agree. Even if you’re a fairly good looking chapo. Autism looks like it can make dating super hard.
There’s unfortunately something that the average person just finds off-putting about it.
Well, if you don’t believe they’ll ever reciprocate, then what’s the harm in saying hi? There’s no pressure if you already know the outcome. It’s like a fixed sale vs. a flash sale.
Why would I want to upset or bother someone?
I’ve had boys in my class go this way before. I hate to sound like I’m bragging, but it’s not hard to push it out of them if they’re under 19 and you have enough time with them. The boys who grow into super reactionaries never take a class with me.
How do I do that direct action thing with you where you were dressed in that ape suit and screaming weird sounds at the wall?
I have no idea what this is referencing, and I just want you to know I am sitting here actually laughing out loud at this mental picture, wtf 😂
Oh whatsup pal? Glad I could make someone laugh. That’s the best part about this site is the laughs.
Either way comrade butt_bidet admitted this was him @ 3:50 in this video.
https://youtu.be/VDpqjaGpPm8?si=xSmyYR5ZPf5Uf-Xw
(It’s a joke mods, I’m not doxxing anyone)
When I asked him why he did it, he said it was direct action.
😂 fighting over a stick and running off into the woods to get the goods
I just remember watching that scene as a kid in the 90s and thinking it was weird as shit lol
@mods, I’m being doxxed, I’m afraid to eat my Cocoa Puffs, please send OP to prison
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
I know a femcel trans woman that I’m slowly coaxing out of deeply unserious ideology over time
Kristina. I always like the anecdotes you have.
You’ve been doing this trans leftist thing for awhile and I appreciate your insight on shit.
yeah i know i’m pretty amazingYou’re good people for sure. Have a nice today miss.
What is your method for coaxing?
Talking to her more regularly than anyone else and caring more than anyone else
I’ve gotten her into being an extremely brainwormed anarcho centrist so far, she started out way worse
I rarely play multiplayer games so I don’t know how I would meet them
The guy I met was in treatment with me
I know one that went from having a relatively normal love life to incel because he became a homophobic Catholic in the middle of the George Pell scandal.
That feels like multiple bad choices
Yeah a few and they’re very annoying to be around
I didn’t really know him personally, but while I was doing a social worker program in college this guy started going on an incel rant in class.
The class was about internalized oppression and we were in the unit on internalized misogyny, and he just started going off about how women don’t actually want nice guys and how they want the hot rich guys who are abusive.
He had a lot of other really problematic views, my friends and I still wonder why he joined the program to begin with.
Is the 80/20 thing really false? I don’t know anything personally, but anecdotally it seems true from talking to men who use the apps to date. Some guys get as many dates as they want, and others basically get none.
I don’t think it’s about being 6ft or having chadface or whatever, it’s about mastering the stupid gameification of romance(and paying for premium subscriptions).
I’m happy to be wrong about this, though.
It’s absolutely false. Go outside and look at couples walking around or in restaurants. Our perceptions of actual romance are so skewed. Most people are just kindof normal looking. In reality its like the top 90 percent of men get 90 percent of women
For women on dating apps there is a huge amount of risk to their safety tied to any match. So if the vibes aren’t immaculate or the vibes are good but the person is just pretty cute then it might not be worth the risk.
For men seeking women there is a question of whether the match will be a disspointment or a waste of money. But for women it’s am I going to die. So of course only a tiny percent of men on effectively anonymous dating apps pass the vibes and initial attraction tests to be worth that risk.
there’s one i used to talk to. idk, guess i figured i might be able to help him out of it, but the ideology had seeped into his every cell; it was impossible to have a reasonable conversation with him at all. it was all so horribly naked, too, like he really wanted to be the absolute most vile of the bunch.
i think about him, sometimes.
in retrospect, the fact that i tried to talk to him prolly has more than a little to do with where i am today.
maybe i’m just incredibly unlucky but it’s starting to seem like almost every guy is on some MRA shit to some degree
it’s so fucking exhausting
There’s literally a couple soft ones in this thread unfortunately. “Women only like brick jaw chads”
Knew a guy who had a dry spell and blamed it on college marxism. He went on like 7 back to back failed dates and didnt reflect on his shitty personality.
That’s probably me minus the misogyny.
I did the whole self-improvement meme, got fit, lost weight, made friends, joined social groups, cut my hair, got a skincare routine, clothes that fit, etc etc. While it did help me make become more outgoing, I’m just too unattractive to realistically get a relationship. I even got a couple of first dates after talking to some folks on Discord. We got along great, bantered, and even had a nice emotional connection. Then we meet up and they see my face and suddenly it gets awkward. There’s a look in their eyes when you go from a potential partner to ugly friend that just hurts.
90% of non-misogynist incels would be good partners, but no one wants to date them. A significant reason why 2/3rds of young men are single and 1/3rd of young women are single is because a subset of women prefer to date the same man with the hope that eventually they’ll be exclusive. That or they’re unaware that the men they’re after are casually dating other women. Unattractive men are invisible, the only chance they have is personality. But personality means very little in a dating market that’s very young and using mostly apps. If these people could get dates, they’d have a relationship eventually. But getting dates as an unattractive man is almost impossible.
It does get a bit better for men when you’re older but I’d be too bitter at that point. Knowing that the only reason you’d be given a chance is because everyone’s old, less attractive, and wanting to settle down is a poison that would eat away at me. Even if my partner sincerely thought I was a catch after getting to know me, it still hurts to be the last of someone’s options.
I’ll probably never get a partner and that sucks. But I do have friends and hobbies to work towards.
I’m not trying to be rude, but this does sound like incel rhetoric minus the woman hating. I see tons of short fat guys with weak jaws or, no cheekbones or even slightly balding. Get some pretty women and even marry them.
Not like 10/10 Godessss or movies stars or whatever but pretty cute women.
Part of dating is also getting shot down dude. We’ve all had it happen. You telling me ‘oh all women seem to hate me and it’s because I’m not a chad’ is kind of lame to me.
I’m happy you’re not a misogynist, but you still have some warped thinking you need to work on.
I’ll concede that short dudes like 5’8 and under do maybe have it a little tougher than some in the dating market and in the west, if you’re Indian or east Asian, yeah shit will be a little harder. But not impossible
I’m not trying to be rude, but this does sound like incel rhetoric minus the woman hating. I see tons of short fat guys with weak jaws or, no cheekbones or even slightly balding. Get some pretty women and even marry them.
I see these people too. They’re usually older and in more conservative areas. Dating for young people is completely different and for every awkward guy I know that got a girl, I know 10 that have been single their whole lives. I’m not fatalistic, it’s just not likely for this to happen.
You telling me ‘oh all women seem to hate me and it’s because I’m not a chad’ is kind of lame to me.
I don’t think women hate me, they just don’t view me as a potential partner. I’ve made friends with a few while trying to date. They’re simply human beings reacting rationally to their environment. If the situations were reversed, most men would probably choose a chance at a very attractive partner over a guarantee with an average one.
I’m happy you’re not a misogynist, but you still have some warped thinking you need to work on.
Honestly I just feel gaslit by society at this point. At what point will my years of rejection be enough to show people that I’m unwanted? I worked on myself, put forth effort, made friends of both genders, got some dates, and I still haven’t met a single person who even considered me on option. There isn’t someone for everyone. That’s cruel I think its crueler that we pretend if these people just got out more they’d all be able to find someone. It’s why you shouldn’t tell kids in poverty that they can become president if they work hard, the circumstances of your birth determine how far you can go.
It sucks but there’s more to life than a romantic partner. Besides that I’m pretty fulfilled. Give it a few more years of trying and then I’ll give up forever.
Please don’t break my post down like a reddit debate guy 🙏 (jk)
I’m 34 so not that old and I see plenty of zoomer women with guys who are like 4s if we’re going to be rating people in that way.
Why don’t you tell me what exactly is wrong with your face and height in your eyes?
That word akward is important and I’m going to hone in on that later.
You know what I mean, they don’t literally hate you as a person. You mean they just find you as a romantic partner automatically unattractive because you aren’t a ‘chad’
The whole they’re ‘reacting naturally’ thing is very much veering toward Blackpill rhetoric. I see incels saying almost verbatim this same thing. As if women have no agency and are automatically drawn to a ‘chad’ no matter what.
I get the feeling it’s more you’re off-putting and AWKWARD socially in some way you can’t see yourself, rather than you being hideous.
I know the dating world is also extremely tough for men who aren’t neurotypical
I don’t hate you man and I’m certainly not trying to pick on you. I just really dislike black pill rhetoric.
A significant reason why 2/3rds of young men are single and 1/3rd of young women are single is because a subset of women prefer to date the same man with the hope that eventually they’ll be exclusive
lol wtf it’s because hetero women tend to date older
lol wtf it’s because hetero women tend to date older
True, but only 3-4 years older on average.. Since “young” in this case covers 18-29, women dating older is insufficient to explain the massive discrepancy.
In all fairness, the rate of “serious relationships” is only a 10 point difference as opposed to 30 points but that doesn’t conflict with my original statement. That being young women casually dating a smaller pool of men but not necessarily entering into a serious relationship.
There’s no way you aren’t browsing incel forums.
You use all the same rhetoric. You just claim you don’t hate women.
You want a relationship so bad and there’s something off about you the ladies don’t like, it’s almost certainly not your looks dude.
The blackpill shit is super off putting. I’m surprised to see it on hexbear.
I don’t know any.
Most of my friends are queer and/or polyamorous and I don’t think that overlaps much with incel.
It really doesn’t. It seems to be a Cis het male thing.
