Stochastic Terrorism

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_no_one_rid_me_of_this_turbulent_priest%3F

Easy to hold when you didn’t put up any money in the first place. Or, maybe he had someone buy a ton of call options before. As expensive as the puts were the last time I checked, They were likely pretty cheap.

Give them some time, they will kiss the ring soon enough.

The dog ate his prepared notes

Your pun freshens the breath as well

Tucker is shocked

Couches everywhere will breathe a sigh of relief

The dogs are revolting against the government that won’t protect them from being eaten.

Made up, though based on Trump’s comments about a judge with Mexican heritage:

Read this: How Trump defended criticism of judge for being ‘Mexican’

“Now, this RINO is of Mexican heritage. I built a wall, OK? I built a wall and Mexico paid for it. Of course he will be very unfair to TRUMP. Many people say he wants a job on FAKE NEWS CNN and to write a book”

-@RealDonaldTrump

Tl;Dr

Trump, s ex-FBI official: We have ‘many reasons’ to think ,ex-president, is a Russian ‘asset’

He’s facing the wrong way and he would be lower, puckering at Putin’s personal ‘mic’.

He’s reminiscing on the day his building became the tallest in Manhattan

I had the best debate in the history of debating. Many people, tears in Their Eyes said Sir that Was a Perfect and Beuatiful Debate. Maybe I can Beat Perfection? It was Rigged and she had the answers, and I still Had a Perfect Debate. Should I do Another Debate, we will See, but let me tell you, The Crowd outside of The debate was Tremendous. They were all holding Trump Sigmas.

-@RealDonaldTrump

Elon AF

Fact checking the fact checkers:

Aliens are eating peoples cats, Trump said he saw it on TV

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Better make sure the check clears first, and don’t let them use a credit card (for potential chargeback)