“Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.”

No better way to commiserate with your drowning constituents than with a family trip to Schlitterbahn.

Howls relentlessly at the moon.

Fake news! It’s not a war. It’s a three day special military operation. Calculated in days on Mercury.

Fireworks are damned expensive. We didn’t buy any this year because I’m not about to spend $200 to shoot off five fountains.

I remember reading that. It was pretty funny. Jihad is easy. Running a country is not. Who would have thought.

Scheduling bill payments through my banks online bill pay. I will pay bills with a credit card when I absolutely have to. I don’t use ACH autodraft at all if I can avoid it. Online bill pay is usually free, it helps centralize all my bill payments, and if there’s a problem I just call the bank instead of having to mess with the vendor.

It also helps make sure I don’t forget to pay a bill, which my ADHD brain would do all the time otherwise.

I don’t and have never wanted to “stress myself.” There is no off switch for the stress. It’s always there. It’s been there almost as long as I can remember.

I was diagnosed at 28. If I waited much longer I would probably be a full blown alcoholic today. I managed my symptoms by self medicating (i.e. drinking) which was a really poor substitute for actual medication. That was the only way I could temporarily shut off the stress.

Getting diagnosed and properly medicated dramatically improved my quality of life.

Those who say, “I love God,” and hate a brother or sister are liars, for those who do not love a brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

1 John 4:20

What? No Mojo’s??

“Drinking water backwards.” And no, I’m not talking about an enema.

Say you have the hiccups.

Get half a glass of water. Bend over at your waist like you’re about to pick something up off the floor. While bent over, rest the glass against your upper lip and drink the water.

Poof Hiccups gone instantly. I know it sounds insane but it works.

I was today years old when I learned that many people don’t have an inner monologue. The human body is so fascinating.

Oddly enough, if I don’t take my ADHD meds, I tend to talk to myself out loud a lot because my inner monologue gets kind of “muffled” in the “noise” and I rely on it very heavily to think through.

Arkansas at #3. I am not remotely shocked. People here drive like complete morons who are oblivious to everyone else on the road. Just on your average trip to Bentonville – which is about 8 miles from me – you’re almost guaranteed to see half a dozen cars blow through a red light. I’ve had more close calls than I can count.

If you find yourself looking at a dumpster and there are flames and smoke billowing from it, it’s a dumpster fire. It’s not a camp fire. It’s just burning garbage. If you really want to roast marshmallows over it, get ready to inhale some toxic fumes.

That is absolutely glorious.

It is even dumber and more malicious than it sounds.

It’s like the Republican Party got taken over by incompetent James Bond villains. However, despite what’s portrayed in Live and Let Die, alligators don’t normally prey on humans.

Nobody said it wasn’t.

I imagine being a high school teacher sometimes feels like being Margaret Dumont in a Marx Brothers movie.

What do you call positive vibes from an impaler?

“Holesome”.

I’ll see myself out now.

Just knowing that a black person’s ass cheeks have touched the same toilet seat as theirs is enough to make racists lose their minds.