stop being so hard on yourself, for one. There’s nothing moral about being able to perform the things we’re expected by ourselves and/or others to do, especially in such a sad traumatic place as this.
Think of your favorite person ever: If they confided what you said here to you, hopefully you wouldn’t see them as a bad person. You’d see someone who really wants to do right and is struggling. One way that helped me process this is it’s a bit individualistic to think you’re worse than every other person. Give yourself the same consideration you’d give to any other person.
And speaking of individualism, we’re not living in the world that would make getting by in any way easy. Capitalism is soul crushing and you are not exempt just cuz you’re yourself and you expect yourself to be able to. We aren’t meant to have so much individual pressure on ourselves.
You should work on liking yourself, i think. Give yourself more of a chance.
and you’re not a drain on your parents. It sounds like they’re fine financially and you didn’t even ask to be born so you’re good there ,too.
The Leader(Karl Marx cartoon) is on youtube w/ english captions