Probably your dog’s dream, too, only it doesn’t know it yet.

https://www.theonion.com/area-man-has-naked-lady-fetish-1819564926

I hope this gets the lowest views of any debate.

Starting off in a good position, since there won’t be a studio audience.

La Belle Noiseuse (1991)

I bet they don’t even do the national anthem before the presidential debate

(or do they? I don’t know)

Phew, thanks. I knew it was presumptuous but this is something I have to be proud of, even granting that most of my success in avoiding them is because of luck.

I was maybe the last person to get a smart phone. It was probably 2016.

Nope, that’s me. Never had one.

Generally I have less problem with the yutes than I do with my own age cohort. Most of my contemporaries have let life and circumstances beat them into submission and now they care about property values and are aghast at the very idea of public transportation. Kill the suburb inside your head, late-30s people!

The only effective protest I have ever witnessed was when chuds in my neighborhood picketed the local recycling center, which they said was causing crime. The landlord of the shopping center in which it was located shut it down by the end of the day.

Not sure if that one’s covered in If We Burn but I’ll keep reading.

That’s the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Beyond parody for centuries

“How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?” (alternatively “How many angels can stand on the point of a pin?”) is a phrase that, when used in modern contexts, can be used as a metaphor for wasting time debating topics of no practical value, or on questions whose answers hold no intellectual consequence, while more urgent concerns accumulate.[1]

The phrase was originally used in a theological context by 17th century Protestants to mock medieval scholastics such as Duns Scotus[2] and Thomas Aquinas.

They couldn’t google how to do it because their screensaver had a password

It’s always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Zhao Gao was contemplating treason but was afraid the other officials would not heed his commands, so he decided to test them first. He brought a deer and presented it to the Second Emperor but called it a horse. The Second Emperor laughed and said, “Is the chancellor perhaps mistaken, calling a deer a horse?” Then the emperor questioned those around him. Some remained silent, while some, hoping to ingratiate themselves with Zhao Gao, said it was a horse, and others said it was a deer. Zhao Gao secretly arranged for all those who said it was a deer to be brought before the law and had them executed instantly. Thereafter the officials were all terrified of Zhao Gao. Zhao Gao gained military power as a result of that.

Thou shalt be known as SuperZutsuki the Callipygian.

Zero essential workers

Janssen Pharmaceutica, a pharmaceutical company headquartered in Beerse, Belgium, and wholly-owned by Johnson & Johnson.

LebensBraun!

Everyone knows that Eva Braun died in Hitler’s bunker. What this book presupposes is . . . maybe she didn’t?

I wouldn’t say it approaches the mystical, but I think you might enjoy James Bridle’s New Dark Age. Here’s a series of his essays where he attempted to photograph every surveillance camera in London.

Maybe you’ll find some interesting (and some too-far-gone) stuff at /r/sorceryofthespectacle?

I had so many arguments with people in 2021/2 after we started socializing again where they’d do the classic “The kind of thing that’s probably happening in China” and I’d say “You mean the kind of thing that’s definitely happening in America”, and they’d say, “Damn, that sounds like something that would happen in China.”