Ain’t nobody fuck with tiny hippo. Ain’t nobody.

I spent my 30s feeling like a retiree, but then I bought a bicycle at age 39 and started riding 25-50 miles a day. Now I’m approaching my 60s and I’m in the best shape of my life. Barring catastrophic and permanent injuries, I think the main problem with aging is that being sedentary causes your body to decay and the older you are the more time you’ve had to be sedentary. Get up off your dead asses, people, and don’t tell me you don’t have the time for exercise. You have plenty of time to watch TV and scroll through your phones, turn some of that time into something useful.

Man you are not going to believe this … it’s from Asterix in Ohio.

Appease for long enough to grab a big stick.

Neville Chamberlain got a bad rap from history for doing exactly this. He gave Hitler bits of what he wanted while making sure Britain had enough modern fighters (Hurricanes and Spitfires) to fend off the Luftwaffe when war inevitably did break out.

The Art of the Squeal

I’ve only ever really felt jealousy when it involved a woman turning me down and then sleeping with somebody else. As long as I’m allowed in the club, I don’t really care how many other people have been let in.

as long as she had clearly chagee

Tea?

that’s when I told her about the escorts.

Jesus Christ, never admit that you drove a Ford.

I just want people to learn how the fucking stop signs work.

I visited India 30 years ago and (in the southern part of the country at least) the major highways between cities had a single paved lane in the middle and then just dirt and gravel on the steeply-sloped sides. So on bus trips the drivers would stick to the middle until the last possible second and then veer off so that just the right wheels were on the pavement as they passed each other while tipping crazily to each side. I made the huge mistake on my first trip of sitting in the front seat; I later corrected my mistake by always taking the fucking train, which didn’t have this problem.

You’d have to be living under a rock to not be aware of Musk’s political side at this point … and rocks are too expensive for anybody to afford any more.

The clearest case of this is when Jethro Tull won the Nobel Heavy Metal prize.

TBF the male researchers involved in Franklin’s case are/were straight-up assholes across the board, not just sexist appropriators.

My former best friend one day out of the blue told me he thought that women are on average smarter than men but are not capable of rising to the very top level of human intellect. His “proof” of this was the fact that nearly all major scientific discoveries have been made by men. Needless to say, he thought of himself as being at the highest level of human intellect - despite having made no major scientific discoveries himself (or even minor ones for that matter). This was the beginning of the end of our friendship, and I’m only embarrassed that it wasn’t instantly the end of our friendship.

Russia or Saudi Arabia. My guess would be Russia since that’s the best place to get Russian prostitutes to pee on you. Although I’m sure Saudi Arabia can provide that, too.

Fun little-known fact: Saudi Arabia provided political asylum for the rest of his miserable, syphilitic life to fucking Idi Amin after he was ousted from Uganda.

This shit again. Those numbers are nothing to worry about at all, they’re just meant for the Russian sleepers sitting in their apartments next to NATO military facilities, telling them to continue not setting off their hydrogen bombs. I don’t know why people worry about this.

I kinda like it better since it makes the same criticism of people who think their works will last forever, but then goes a step further and exposes the same fallacy in modern peoples.

Fun fact: Shelley wrote that poem in a friendly competition with Horace Smith. Here is Smith’s version:

In Egypt’s sandy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desert knows:—
“I am great OZYMANDIAS,” saith the stone,
“The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
The wonders of my hand.”— The City’s gone,—
Naught but the Leg remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten Babylon.

We wonder — and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro’ the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.

— Horace Smith, “Ozymandias”

Used to be, you got one comic with the sunday paper. There was no bingeing your favorite comics you just waited until they came out.

I mean, this is true if “used to be” means “prior to WWII” (or maybe even earlier). Publishers have been putting out collections of comic strips in book form for a very long time - I grew up in the '70s reading Pogo compendiums published in the 1960s.

I once used the word twat around my then-girlfriend and she “corrected” me, insisting it was pronounced “twah”. Turns out she thought people saying it were trying to use the French word toit and mispronouncing it. No idea why she thought anybody would want to call somebody else a French roof.