Every therapist I’ve ever had has been dogshit

When I told my last therapist about my anxiety she was like “oh why don’t you try aroma therapy to calm you down?” MOTHERFUCKER I need assistance leaving my own apartment to go grocery shopping I get so anxious, aroma therapy isn’t going to do jack shit

And yeah basically everyone I’ve ever had has been really disinterested. My last one even ended a session 15 mins early seemingly cause she got bored

My physiologist is okay cause she just gives me meds and we talk like once a month, she still misgenders me and shit so still trash but better than any therapist

Mental health services are a joke in the US

reliving the same life over and over with no variations sounds pretty awful, even if i don’t remember it

i really hope it’s not recurrence reincarnation

the idea that’s i’ll get to be something else after this makes death a lot less scary imo

i liked that story

it’s still kind of horrifying to think what happens after you live through every life though

opium of the masses? hell yeah i want to do a massive amount of opium

i’ve been thinking about death and what comes after a lot recently

i was raised christian and really believed in it until entering my twenties, then i became an atheist and have been one for the past almost 6 years, but recently i’ve started to become kind of spiritual i guess?

i’ve convinced myself reincarnation is real. it’s an idea that really comforts me and seems like the best possible outcome for life, getting to live forever but not knowing that you live forever so life stays interesting and you can rediscover all the beautiful things about this world over and over again

i have no basis for this, but it’s something that’s impossible to prove isn’t real. like there will never be evidence or proof of reincarnation, but there also won’t ever be proof that it isn’t real. so i just like subconsciously chosen to believe it because it makes me feel good and there’s no way to prove i’m wrong

this probably isn’t the best way to think about the world, just believing in stuff cause it sounds nice rather than believing in things cause you’ve got reasons to believe. but at this stage of my life i just really need some hope, something that’ll tell me that it will get better

i don’t believe in anything else spiritual/supernatural and i don’t adhere to buddhism or any other religion that has reincarnation in it, i just believe in the idea of reincarnation and that’s it. well i guess i believe in souls now too because there’s got to be something beyond my body that is the thing that actually gets reincarnated?

idk maybe i’ve just been doing too many drugs recently. maybe i’ll go back to being an atheist after this dark chapter of my life is over but for now having some non falsifiable hope is exactly what i need

i hope to be a great blue heron in my next life

loosing my fucking mind over trying to mod civ5

i’m trying to make a custom scenario where pre-defined religions are already set up before the game and no new ones can spawn in, which is surprisingly hard

i found someone else’s code on a decade old forum post and i think i can just copy paste it but i’m fucking something up because when i do it doesn’t show up in the mod list so i can’t select and enable it

i have gained so much respect for game modders from this experience

why do you need 40 lbs of hot dogs???

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st4t

i had a dream last night where i was eating food and i accidentally bit my own mouth and the pain was so intense that it actually woke me up and for the first 30 seconds of being awake i was holding my mouth in pain until i realized that it happened in a dream and the pain instantaneously went away. i don’t think i’ve ever had completely phantom pain like that before

i should spent less time on the internet

i probably won’t do that, but i should

i textured on his soy til he protein

made tea, left it to steep and promptly forgot about it

it’s cold now

i got diagnosed with depression years ago

i was on and off antidepressants for a while when i was first diagnosed but they just made things worse

i thought starting hrt and transition would make things better but it only did for a very short period of time and i’m back to where i was

i’ve been to the student health center but they weren’t much help. but then again i wasn’t super honest about everything with them since i don’t want to get sent to a psych ward

it’s absolute dogshit but i only go on /lgbt/ which is the least bad part of the site