It must have been so much more difficult to engage in relationships like this back then. It truly was revolutionary, to go up against everyone in your life and society to follow your heart.

I’m navigating this with my partners right now.

I’ve decided to go barrier-free with my two partners, and use condoms with everyone else.

We are a pretty incestuous polycule and mostly use barriers with those outside the friend group, and we’re all tested frequently. ~3 months.

Me and one of my partners also take daily doses of PrEP, which nearly eliminates the risk of contracting hiv. I’m also fully vaccinated, so the only thing I could potentially get that can’t be eliminated with drugs is herpes, but that is very treatable.

Also a huge fan of The Ethical Slut!

I liked it a lot better than Polysecure, which was more psychology than polyamory. Also not as huge of a fan of Sex at Dawn, which was more like anthropology than actionable poly material, though it’s good for what it is.

Like Indomora said, it seems like you and your partner want different things.

If you don’t want to break up, I would suggest telling your partner how important this is to you.

She says that she’d be more open to it when you’re both more secure. Okay, then try finding pre-defined times in the future that you both can agree on to discuss this further. That will make this less of a fantasy, and more measurable.

Good luck