And ummm this is not a cry for emergency help. It’s a pondering. I do wonder if many others can relate.

“Awfully bleak” to current me is very little contact with others, difficulty with daily tasks, repetitive cycle of days feeling unable to function, inability to concentrate, financial desperation. Those things are all bleak. And yes all that negatively affects my self esteem. In earlier days what sidelined me was self hatred and nihilistic thoughts. Now it’s chronic pain.