My immediate problem is I have an extremely hard time asking for help, in any context. I think it stems from trust issues. My immediate thought when something needs to be done is “I will do it, or it won’t be done and I will deal with that outcome”, because I think the chances someone else will actually do it when asked, the way I want it done, are pretty low.
Makes you a rock star at work until you break under that expectation you set. Makes for weird relationship dynamics when you help all the time and never ask/expect that it will be reciprocated. It’s just not a great position for fostering healthy interpersonal dynamics in general. I’d argue that it might also sap energy from working towards some things you want done, and are unhappy, deep down, are left undone.
I think there’s even a name for it - helper syndrome or something. It’s a weird “It actually works pretty well, until it doesn’t” position.
Oh hey you’re me? I am working on this with my therapist right now and we’ve been thinking it’s a trauma response from a mix of my mother being a leech, being constantly abandoned as a kid, and the subsequent need for control with a dozen or two little side dishes in there to flesh out the ‘I will never ask for help’ dinner.
It’s difficult for me too sometimes. I was sick so I was trying to figure out who should I ask to bring me some medicine from pharmacy or whether to not ask anyone. Maybe I could go there myself even though I was very sick or maybe I could be without medicine. Finally I asked a friend. I almost didn’t ask her because I didn’t want to bother her and I would’ve hated it if she said no.
God, where would I even begin? I hate almost everything about myself.
One big thing I cannot stand is how emotionally overreactive I am. When I get upset about something, I get so deeply and incredibly upset to the point where it doesn’t even make sense. I feel things way too incredibly deeply and I hate it.
Another is that I endlessly frustrate myself by being lonely, but at the same time never putting myself out there to try to meet new people. But I hate new people and getting to know them. I only like people that I already know well.
And to top it all off, I made the mistake of letting someone get too close to my heart only for them to leave me. It’s not even their fault because they are literally just my coworker…we weren’t even friends outside of work. But I made the mistake of liking them and getting close to them. And if I can’t even handle that with just a coworker, I don’t know how I could ever put myself out there to be vulnerable for a relationship more than that knowing that they might leave me.
My insurance changes Jan 1st and I’m going to really try to give therapy a go this time around when I get my updated insurance info. I tried months back but quit after one session after seeing the price. Honestly I wonder if I need pills or something because I am just so incredibly frustrated with life and everything and I can’t stop crying like an idiot.
Good luck on your journey! Therapy is expensive and it can take a while until you find the right therapist. But it will be worth it, trust me.
Good luck buddy! Therapy really helped me, although it might take a few tries to find a therapist you like.
I’m too self aware that I’m paralyzed by most aspects of daily life. I’m frustrating to myself.
ADHD. I blurt shit out. My emotions are about 6 steps ahead of the rest of my brain. Uninteresting things are death. Time is either too fast or too slow. Sitting still for long periods of time is torture
You can make a virtue out of it.
I also can’t sit still. Not even for two minutes. But I have a job at the computer. Requires sitting most of the time.
I think that I’m never going to get spinal disc problems like all the other people who sit all day long. Spinal discs need motion to stay healthy. Trouble comes from sitting motionless.
My spine stays in motion all the time and now I feel good about it.
The crippling depression that’s completely stopped me from functioning in any meaningful way. That’s definitely the big one.
Executive dysfunction. I have a horrible time with completing tasks that I’ve built up stress over, my brain just won’t let me start because it feels hopeless. It’s a constant struggle to get things done. And nobody understands. I don’t really expect them to, because “oh sorry that task stressed me out so much that I’ve just completely avoided it” isn’t a valid excuse. ADHD drugs helped but I don’t want to be on them, and a prescription to them bars me from doing other things that I actually enjoy. So I’ll probably just struggle with it the rest of my life.
ADHD drugs helped but I don’t want to be on them, and a prescription to them bars me from doing other things that I actually enjoy.
I’m curious, could you elaborate on this?
I want to be a recreational pilot. I’m quite good at it, very committed to and interested in the procedural aspects of it, and religiously adhere to the safety guidelines. According to FAA rules you cannot have an ADHD diagnosis and be prescribed drugs for it and fly, point blank. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but the FAA reached out and grounded me because I didn’t lie on the medical application and said I’d dealt with depression in the past. Despite the medical examiner clearing me and issuing my certification.
The long, tedious process of trying to be cleared again stressed me out more than flying was fun, and now I’m just sort of in a limbo, after thousands of dollars spent on training.
This is all to say that the process taught me that the stigma around mental illness is alive and well in the USA, and I just don’t want any of it on my medical record anymore. I can deal with it. Mental health support isn’t good enough yet to actually significantly improve my life, or at least it’s never worked well enough for me. So the consequences of having any hint on an official document somewhere of not being 100% mentally stable and content 100% of the time aren’t worth it. Who knows if a new opportunity or new-found passion comes along and I get fucked out of it because I felt sad for a long time and wanted to talk to someone about it, or I wanted some help trying to make my brain work more like everyone else’s. I’ll do what I should’ve done from the start, and suck it up.
Sorry for the rant, definitely more than you were looking for, it’s just been weighing on me.
Holy shit… who hasn’t struggled with depression at some point? I’m so sorry that interfered with your certification. I guess I get why depression is a red flag but it’s just so common, you’d think if you’re cleared by a medical examiner should be enough. And ADD is so common too, but I get why you wouldn’t want it on your record. What a bummer :(
Yeah, it’s a federal agency, and one that’s obsessed with the process of slowly and iteratively improving safety standards. So I understand. It just sucks. 50 years ago mental health wasn’t something the FAA had to think about. Now, so many more prospective pilots have at least something on their record. So they need to catch up. The biggest issue, I think, is that career pilots hide the problems they have in order to keep their jobs. Because they don’t have much of a choice. Suck it up, or jump through a bunch of hoops to seek treatment and still possibly lose your income. Lotta closeted alcoholics in aviation, I’m positive.
I don’t trust anyone. I have a total of two friends.
Then these words might not mean much, but I’d be your friend.
Probably.
Heh, one more than me.
I can be insufferably insistent at times. If someone says they’ll do X with me, or for me, I will pester them until they do, “playfully” jabbing at them the longer they don’t do whatever they said.
Honestly doesn’t sound too bad. If I had a friend who both reached out, and then pestered me, I might actually feel valued lol
Angry and frustrated at everything I do,I dont do, could be doing, mix in a good helping of not having done enough of the thing I actually sid
Might help too talk to a professional.
Small talk. Not sure why but it’s incredibly difficult for me to initiate a small talk or make it flow nicely from one topic to another. It’s a reason i find myself resisting the idea of dating or simply went out to socialise, or even talk to my neighbours. The anxiety always there.
I was at the dentist office around Halloween, and there was an old lady in the waiting room with me. She was a small talker and I learned something from this exchange.
“Oh, don’t their decorations look cute!”
“Yes, I love Halloween!”
“Oh, yes, all the kids in their cute costumes. Do you have children?”
"Yes but they are older now, youngest in high school "
It was like she had practiced for a long time, wasn’t like she was intrusive or pushy, just light conversation, and it is a SKILL not a talent. You can do it. Look around and comment on something. Practice. ETA: you don’t have kids so the dance move would be “No, do you have kids or grandkids?” It can keep going without you sharing, it’s sort of a game I think.
Also find people who don’t need the silence filled, people who like to just sit with you and not talk, not everyone needs that small talk - I think it’s fun but don’t need it, am comfortable with silence too. Just remember it’s a skill you can learn, like cooking. You can even learn to enjoy it if you don’t feel like it’s mandatory.
I feel like this is a young persons question. I’m old enough that I’ve been dealing with myself for a long time. I’ve come to terms with everything. I’m fine with myself. It’s all the external factors that are hard. The direction of the world governments, the climate, the price of things. If I could just exist in a vacuum. I’d be pretty happy with that.
I know at least two times when I was definitely hallucinating in my adult life, which makes me uncertain how many other times I was hallucinating that I don’t know about.
Were you really sleep deprived, by chance? Because it’s actually not overly unusual in that case. Sleep deprivation wreak havoc on the body and brain.
Not knowing what I want out of life. Including whether to break off the nine-year, kind of dysfunctional relationship I’ve been in (neither option feels good).
My inability to both talk to new people, and stop talking once I start. It’s like I have to mentally burst through a brick wall, and then can’t figure out how to stop.
I feel awkward as fuck.
Let me try on this one because I feel you.
It’s tough to interact, I feel the same way with literally every person I meet.
Ask a question, ideally open ended, not yes or no.
“Hey this is my friend bigchungus”
You: hey, I’m a buddy of op from his gay porno days. How do you know op?
It incentives the other person to share a little about themselves. And then just be curious. They’ll ask you plenty of questions but the reality is everyone else knows way more about the world combined than you do. Be open, share, but pause and see what their reaction is.
I find most of the people I connect with are people I think I may have nothing in common with but the more I ask them questions the more I realize we are similar and it’s easier to open up to.
Also alcohol. Alcohol and drugs. But mainly the the first part.
It’s OK to not talk…it is also OK to talk too much
I’m a complete recluse. My own family never sees me for days on end, because leaving my room for almost any reason gives me extreme anxiety. My parents always fought a lot growing up and it became my safe space to escape from it, but now it’s a problem. They’re divorced, but I still can’t make myself come out more than a few times a week, besides going to work. I always feel ashamed never being able to come out, but the anxiety is paralyzing. My ADHD also makes my life hell, as well as depression.
