For starters, I am self diagnosed. I have brought it up to my family doctor, therapist and psychiatrist a few times. Each time I was shut down because I either didn’t have problems with communication (or some other dated reasoning) or that there was no point to be diagnosed as an adult because there are no support systems for that. Which was disheartening to say the least. I always knew I was not neurotypical but I didn’t have the words to describe it yet. I was just quirky, weird, introverted but also out spoken with a strong sense of justice. I began going down that rabbit whole because of tiktok, honestly. It had been on my radar before hand but I had an ignorant view on what autism was before that, I had never even heard of a female being diagnosed. I was however diagnosed with ADHD when I was 26. As well as schizotypal, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. To name a few. None of them felt right to me. Until that is, I started listening and reading about autistic women when I was around 28. I had just had a 6 week trip to the mental health ward and was unknowingly on the road to the end of the bad relationship I was in (a blessing). That’s when I started seriously thinking I might be autistic. Four years later at 32 I have accepted my self diagnosis as truth and don’t doubt it nearly as often. I do sometimes wish I had an official diagnosis but I understand that’s asking for alot. Most doctors dont have the knowledge of what autism can look like in women, let alone that it is a spectrum.
I look forward to hearing your stories!
On the possibility that no one will respond to this post since our group is just beginning and I often ramble, I hope I will have the confidence to try again to begin some sort of engagement here. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Take care!
*Artwork done by me, @ strange.roots on Instagram. Just thought this post could use some colour.
I think it’s just human nature to want to belong, at any cost necessary. It’s easy to fall prey to the expectations of neurotypical society. At least that was part of my experience.
I live in Canada. Our healthcare is a joke. I found out when I was 25 after an emergency exploratory surgery that I have severe (stage 4 I’m told) endometriosis. Ive had three surgeries at this point including a hysterectomy. I complained about issues for 13 years and was told it was in my head. That I was complaining or making things up. I have been repeatedly dismissed by doctors even when I bring my medical documents with me to appointments. And bringing up autism was the same. At this point I’m not willing to spend over a decade begging for a doctor to acknowledge what I’m going through. I try and make changes that I have control of. One day that might not be enough but it’s all I have the energy to do for now. I am currently self employed which will be ending soon. I use to have a great employer or so I thought. I managed a pet store for almost 8 years. I took medical leave and then they didn’t give me my job back. I was so devestated I didn’t fight back about employment laws. I’ve been struggling since. I am very glad you have a considerate employer. That stability is important. Especially while being burnt out. That grace is priceless.