Like…I have some things I have vague interest in, I guess.
But not anything I have ever put time into, or am good at, or am knowledgeable enough to hold a conversation.
Maybe I’m just depressed…maybe I’ve always been depressed…or maybe I’m just missing some kind of spark most other humans have.
Like how does someone just know or decide like…”yeah I’m really into architecture.”?
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like that…I feel like I’ve tried and it’s never lasted.
I feel like I’ve spent half my life just addicted to social media and video games and that’s no longer working.
I’ve felt he same way as you. If you have an activist tenant or worker organization or a socialist party that’s actually work joining know that they want and need your time even if you think you have nothing to offer them. If you show up consistently when they need you it won’t matter if you have nothing interesting to say.
Go to a DIY space (micro cinema, punk concert venue, comedy club) and you’ll find other poorly socialized people which really doesn’t make it any easier on you; two awkward people not knowing how to carry on a conversation is worse than one. But the point here is to realize you survive these scenarios (and aren’t alone) and build comfort and confidence in being uncomfortable.
Cooking, wood working, gardening. These are hobbies so neglected by most people these days that at an advanced beginner level you’re already beyond the average person. Try various hobbies, give each one 2 or 3 genuine attempts, stick with the one that made you feel the most alive. I didn’t like cooking at first but grew to really appreciate the process and how much direct control you have over an act of transformation.
Just some thoughts.