I’ve been stably poly for 5 years and my biggest lesson has been that stably poly people aren’t who new people wind up with because we aren’t churning through people. I’m just in two long term relationships at the moment. I’m open to another; but I’m very discerning about it. I have a few friends in similar positions.

I think being ethically nonmonogamous is hard but mostly because it’s hard to be vulnerable and treat people right when all your hormones and emotions are flaring. But some of the people I most respect the relationship wisdom of are poly as well. Others are monogamous, and yet both the monogamous and nonmonogamous ones sound very similar when talking about relationships. They speak of honesty, self knowledge, emotional regulation, and a willingness to walk away before it becomes a shit show once you understand it’s no longer working.

But I’ll say this, I’m never going back to monogamy. It wasn’t where I was supposed to be.