ok ok ok, i have a theory on where her head was at.
i think it might have been about current messaging around “stop teaching girls is their job to avoid being sexually assaulted and start teaching boys that it’s not ok to do”.
I think in all honestly part of the reason we ended up in this paradigm is because parents generally try to teach what they know. for the most part, in the past men weren’t really aware of how common rape was, or didn’t care. men probably didn’t see it as a thing to talk to their girls about. it was also something they likely had no relevant experience in teaching about. so men didn’t see it a important to teach anything about it to girls. and it didn’t seem likely to negatively affect their son… women on the other hand clearly saw the need to prepare young girls for this reality. so they teach what they know. what little that can do from their perspective with their power. moms default to imparting the defense mechanisms they have built to survive in this terrible state of affairs.
so, my thought is that this is a mother trying to teach her son not to be a predator. but she doesn’t even know what predators think to make them do that. she has no idea what to say that might make her son not do something that she doesn’t understand and doesn’t know if her son has or ever will feel those things. it’s a hard problem. it’s easy to say that we need to put the onus on men to not be predators, but how do we turn that into reality without sounding like this? what does a parent actually say to a young boy that will carry more weight than “don’t do that”.
WTF… Translating news stories which parent and child can discuss honestly (and if not… Well, discuss them honestly. That’s the point of the post) into issues to be separate on… Is, well, just the point we are all trying to avoid.
I hope you can discuss points like this open and honestly. (Yes, even killing and death. The deaths are less important than the communication about them you are forging.)
I suspect you empathize with him and encourage him to empathize with people regardless of gender. Aiming to raise an adult who happens to be a man rather than a man who happens to be an adult. As well as teaching emotional regulation
what does that actually look like moment to moment? what do people do differently between those that do and those that don’t succeed in this? how can you teach something you don’t know because no one taught you?
what does an empathy lesson look like?
it’s a hard problem and we really do need to figure out some specifics if we want to make any real progress.
ok ok ok, i have a theory on where her head was at.
i think it might have been about current messaging around “stop teaching girls is their job to avoid being sexually assaulted and start teaching boys that it’s not ok to do”.
I think in all honestly part of the reason we ended up in this paradigm is because parents generally try to teach what they know. for the most part, in the past men weren’t really aware of how common rape was, or didn’t care. men probably didn’t see it as a thing to talk to their girls about. it was also something they likely had no relevant experience in teaching about. so men didn’t see it a important to teach anything about it to girls. and it didn’t seem likely to negatively affect their son… women on the other hand clearly saw the need to prepare young girls for this reality. so they teach what they know. what little that can do from their perspective with their power. moms default to imparting the defense mechanisms they have built to survive in this terrible state of affairs.
so, my thought is that this is a mother trying to teach her son not to be a predator. but she doesn’t even know what predators think to make them do that. she has no idea what to say that might make her son not do something that she doesn’t understand and doesn’t know if her son has or ever will feel those things. it’s a hard problem. it’s easy to say that we need to put the onus on men to not be predators, but how do we turn that into reality without sounding like this? what does a parent actually say to a young boy that will carry more weight than “don’t do that”.
WTF… Translating news stories which parent and child can discuss honestly (and if not… Well, discuss them honestly. That’s the point of the post) into issues to be separate on… Is, well, just the point we are all trying to avoid.
I hope you can discuss points like this open and honestly. (Yes, even killing and death. The deaths are less important than the communication about them you are forging.)
I suspect you empathize with him and encourage him to empathize with people regardless of gender. Aiming to raise an adult who happens to be a man rather than a man who happens to be an adult. As well as teaching emotional regulation
again, easy to say, hard to do.
what does that actually look like moment to moment? what do people do differently between those that do and those that don’t succeed in this? how can you teach something you don’t know because no one taught you?
what does an empathy lesson look like?
it’s a hard problem and we really do need to figure out some specifics if we want to make any real progress.