I have been diagnosed with depression and ADD. I feel like a lot of their symptoms partially bleed over into autism. I am also incredibly anxious when it comes to social interactions.
I feel like I have a decent amount of behavioural symptoms like getting upset when plans change, not liking when things are moved from where I put them, some sensory things (ex. the sound of velcro tearing, gloves rubbing against the skin at the base of my fingers, I hate making sound when I walk in public, and so on), self-stimming, getting really invested in certain niche topics, and avoiding eye contact.
There are some parts where I don’t feel like I match at all. I would say I’m better than most people at reading people’s emotions. I am good with social cues and nonverbal communication. I just over think everything afterwards.
Getting help for my depression and ADD was a lot of work and I felt like I essentially had to coach them into giving it to me so I’m just not sure if it would be worth the effort. The only benefit I could see is a better sense of self-identity but I already have a major case of imposter syndrome when it comes to what I’ve been diagnosed with and I feel like that would be even worse with autism due to the stigma that surrounds it. People saying “You don’t have autism because we chitchat all the time at work” would feel like a real kick in the nuts. I have been able to force myself to mask or get over some of the issues I’ve mentioned above so far.
Sorry if any of this seems improper. I really don’t want to sound like someone who took a “What mental illness are you?” Buzzfeed-style quiz as a medical diagnosis or someone making unfair stereotypes.
Two of my kids are on the spectrum, didn’t get a diagnosis until they were a teenagers. Suddenly, so many things made sense. Over time, and reflection on my own life, I’m pretty sure I’m on that spectrum, too. And a bunch of other things make sense.
I haven’t, and likely won’t, get a clinical diagnosis. The testing is relatively involved, and regardless of what it would reveal, I don’t think there’s anything that would change for me in my mid-50s. Maybe you’re younger enough that it would be more useful for you.
Couple of things here. One, “not being able to read other’s emotions” is a regulary cited characteristic of ASD, but it’s not universal. One of my sons, for example, has incredibly high “emotional intelligence.” Usually. Two - and I don’t mean this in a snarky or dismissive way - you might believe you’re good at reading emotions, while not being as good at it as you think. I don’t know you, so that could be way off base, but it’s definitely something worth having a think about.
What I have come to learn is that it’s okay to be who I am, whether I have an ASD diagnosis or not. It’s useful for me to recognize my own characteristics and compare them to common ASD characteristics sometimes, but the more time passes, the less I need to do that.
I am who I am, and that’s all that I am, I’m Popeye the Sailor Man.
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now since you commented this. I honestly think you might be right and it’s a kind of stunning realization for me.
I feel like it’s really present in my romantic relationships. There’s a lot of times I awkwardly handled things or caused something to veer off in a bad direction. Even now I’m still really bad for asking people I date if they’re mad at me whenever they’re upset and I don’t know why for example
Ah that’s another thing that I get caught in, too. Someone will be mad at me, and I can tell, but I have no idea what I’ve said or done to cause that.
So I can recognize the emotion, but I am blind to the impact of my own behavior.