Got back from family vacation, got on the dreaded Facebook, found out the woman who was my first gf 12 years ago, and subsequently a friend I talked to pretty frequently, had died of liver failure at 33 years old.
Looking back on it, when she was drinking 12 years ago it just seemed like a fun time. I didn’t know she sustained that pace for a decade plus. Some other things took a toll too, like an eating disorder.
Anyways, I am fuckin sad, fuck alcohol, it’s as bad as heroin but capitalism gotta make that $$$$$
I haven’t had a drink in like 5 months maybe. Haven’t smoked since like 3. I’m getting close to smoking. I don’t know.
I was finally able to quit smoking about a decade ago but it still took me like 3 years of actually trying.
What helped me with not smoking was doing theses little breathing exercises where I’d breath in and out slowly, almost as if I was taking a drag off of a cigarette.
Drinking is somehow way fucking harder. I’ve gone through 3 sober spells now and this one I was hoping to go a year and then re-evaluate. Because I think part of my drinking is related to my autism and part is related to depression. I was trying to go about it from that angle this time instead of “drink bad!” lol. Maybe the fact that I’m a bit more aware this time is why I’m beating myself up over it so much.
Starting today I’m hopping back on the wagon tho. I got weed for the weekends and occasional evenings for now so gonna go back to that, reading, and therapy and just keep trucking.