I’ve always made up a person to fit in. Masking has taken a toll and I hate the person I’ve pretended to be. That person is boring, polished, and an over achiever. Since.I was punished severely on a daily basis at 4 years old and afterwards, my true self never was known to me. Only my self who could survive.

Where do we find our unmasked real self after reaching “the big one” burnout? When your braim stops working, you’re no longer functional, and the person you made can no longer be sustained, what do you do?

I’m in my 40s and it’s rough.

  • ZebrafiveEnglish
    2·
    1 day ago

    Posting another comment… for saliency maybe

    Recalling last time I had what may be a burnout.

    1. Drinking heavily
    2. Sometimes could not even bring myself to drink despite the relief in the evenings
    3. Environment at home increasingly suffocating
    4. Work offered zero motivation but more suffocating

    …hmmm

    Maybe not a burnout?

    1. Crying randomly In the drive maybe, at home, sometimws not accompanied by great feelings but just subtlet happening sort of quickly. Have had a cry? Have you had any feeling to want to cry, but resisted it? I think sometimes I need a big release Could be Crying Sexual Sweating / gym / exhaustion And then maybe it doesnt resolve immediately but that seems to help out in a matter of maybe the next day or so I think sometimes Ill look back and think why did I resist that emotion for so long ? We do have emotional dysregulation (to varying degrees)
      • ZebrafiveEnglish
        2·
        24 hours ago

        Thats probably really frustrating

        You did work out, though, for 2 1/2 hours, for however long you sustained that habit, you did sustain it and the yields / results of that habit didnt disappear overnight. I would tell you that I admire that you did that real physical & mental effort, as a routine, to improve and maintain your health directly in spite, or despite, the difficulties you have.

        I had attached climbing to my ego and personality and when I began to slow down and eventually stop it impacted my sense of self. I guess I realize as I age that our sense of self, ego, et al, has to be coddled to some degree and I have to think about “who am i” from time to time.

        I like the quote “I am multitudes” (Looked it up its, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”-Walt Whitman) Brilliance, from a brilliant poet IMO.

        I also find some solitude sometimes to think of myself in a deist, “everything is one” sense, "Im no different, (figuratively, qualitatively…) from the air around me… even tho it is a bit like a its a woozey its a wazy thinking.

        But anyway, I sure do hope you can find a little peace and a little solidity in finding out who it is that is you it sounds like a hard time.